The Bengals and Me

Is this the day that the Bengals finally step up and get it done? Watching a game with me is an exhausting exercise [ask Kelly], so I wanted you to have the opportunity to see what it's like. I've decided to do a real time update of today's game against Pittsburgh.

12:50pm- Pre-game show. Boomer Esiason picks the Bengals to win. I used to wear a Boomer baseball hat back when the Bengals were good. Maybe I need to get a set of Chad Johnson gold teeth. My mood: chipper.

1:00pm- Kickoff. Totally optimistic that the Bengals will get it done. My mood: upbeat.

1:20pm- Steelers touchdown. WHY, WHY DOES OUR DEFENSE SUCK SO BAD? If Jerome Bettis could've played the Bengals every game, he would've been Jim Brown. My mood: angry.

1:30pm- Touchdown, Bengals! Good catch, TJ! Our defense might suck, but at least our offense rocks! My mood: relieved.

1:40pm- Steelers Touchdown. It's just not going to happen. OUR DEFENSE SUCKS TOO MUCH!! My mood: angry again.

1:52pm- Touchdown, Bengals! Good offensive sequence [again]. But can the defense respond??? My mood: somewhat calm.

2:00pm- Bengals Interception! I guess they were listening. Those are the kind of big plays we need to win this thing. I think Ben Roethlisberger's hand might be bothering him. My mood: happy.

2:07pm- Touchdown, Bengals! Houshmandzadeh's second. Roethlisberger and Houshmandzadeh? What kind of spelling test is this? My mood: happier still.

2:15pm- Bengals Fumble Recovery! That's two defensive takeaways. But they're still not stopping the Steelers. Of course the offense went three and out, but we'll see if they win the field position battle. My mood: mellow.

2:30pm- Steelers Field Goal. Halftime score: Bengals 21, Steelers 17. Thirty more minutes of football to go. My mood: somewhat reserved.

2:50pm- Bengals Field Goal. Good drive to start the second half. It still is going to come down to the defense making a stop. How about a three-and-out, defense? My mood: gotta pee.

2:56pm- Steelers Touchdown. And Hines Ward does the Ickey Shuffle. OH, NO HE DI-N'T! IS HE SERIOUS? They will pay. You wait and see. Don't mess with the Shuffle. My mood: vindictive. And as I finish typing that last sentence, Tab Perry runs the kickoff to the Steeler two-yard line. And then Rudi Johnson scores the Touchdown, Bengals. Thanks for the mojo, Hines. My mood: justified.

3:17pm- Bengals Interception! Deltha O'Neal returns it just short of midfield. They are doing everything they need to do to win this game. Unfortunately, another three-and-out by the offense. But remember that battle for field position. And where has Chad Johnson been this half? It's your time! My mood: reservedly optimistic.

3:26pm- Bengals Defense Steps Up! It's the fourth quarter and Pittsburgh fumbles the ball three times in the same drive. We need the offense to score here and they can start up the bus [not Bettis, the real bus]. I predict the Chad touchdown pass. My mood: pumped up.

3:41pm- Bengals Interception! Odell Thurman is Rookie-of-the-Year! Now it's the offense that's stagnant. How about a touchdown? ["Paging Chad . . . "] My mood: hyperactive.

3:46pm- Touchdown, Bengals! Wrong Johnson. I meant, Rudi! A two touchdown lead with six minutes left . . . this game is over. The Bengals are going to win the division. My mood: incredibly confident.

3:55pm- Steelers Touchdown. Well, I didn't know the Bengals would play the prevent defense that drive. Fortunately there's only three minutes left. My mood: not quite as confident as eleven minutes ago.

4:05pm- Two minute Warning. Steelers have the ball, but are shooting themselves in the foot. A touchdown ties the game up. My mood: anxious.

4:09pm- Bengals sack! Steelers take a timeout. Next play brings up fourth down and thirteen yards to go. My mood: kill me, please.

4:12pm- Bengals sack! GAME OVER! Bengals are 9-3. My mood: smug.

What's left to say? Oh, yeah . . .

WHO-DEY!

Live From Lexington

I had mentioned earlier in the week that Kelly was going to get to go to the UK basketball game today against North Carolina. I really didn't want for her to have to drive all the way down and back all by herself, so I decided to drive her down. Kel was a little worried that I wouldn't find enough to keep busy while they were at the game, but I knew it wouldn't be any problem. So last night I checked to see where there was a Panera in town, and I found one.

Yes, on my day off I'm spending the day in a Panera.

Come on people, refillable coffee and fountain drinks, free Wi-fi, it can't get much better. You wonder why I wanted to work there in the first place. I've been able to get a lot of church work done, finishing up tomorrow's Power Point and working on my sermon for tomorrow morning at Amelia. All the while I'm able to check up on the UK score to see when I'll need to meet up with Kel [at half-time, North Carolina is up by twelve].

Just a quick observation: this Panera is WAY nicer than the one I work at. Makes the one in Hyde Park look like a dump. Everything is newer looking here, from machinery, to decor, to the layout. I'm not sure that I want to go back in on Monday.

Despite the Wildcats playing, this place is absolutely packed. I guess not everyone here in town are basketball fans. So I'm camped out in a corner of the restaurant, listening to iTunes, sipping my coffee. And Kelly was worried I'd find something to do.

By the way, I've used the bathroom three times in two-and-a-half hours. Just thought you should know.

About Success

I like to watch ABC's 20/20 on Friday nights, which probably testifies to the fact that I'm officially uninteresting because I'm in watching TV instead of out having a good time. Tonight they broadcast a show called, "The New Rich: Secrets, Strategies and What You Can Learn." Two stories from the episode stuck out to me.

First, the report about Costco and their CEO Jim Sinegal. Sinegal founded the company in 1983. Costco went from zero to $3 billion in sales in six years. He's done a phenomenal job of spurring the company onto success. One contributing factor to Costco's success is product simplicity. Costco only shelves about 4,000 products compared to Wal-Mart's 100,000 items. Another factor is employee loyalty. They pay their employees an average of $17 an hour, which leads to the lowest employee turnover in the industry. But perhaps the most effective asset the company has in their CEO.

Sinegal is a blue-collar-type guy who visits hundreds of stores each year. Despite having a skyrocketing company, he accepts only a $350,000 salary, a fraction of what other CEOs make. His employment contract is one page, and says that Sinegal could be terminated if he isn't getting the job done. He truly believes in Costco and will do whatever it takes to see it succeed.

The only people critical of the company is Wall Street. Investors think that Costco could make greater profits if they didn't pay their employees so much. But this is an area where Sinegal is unwavering. He understands that taking care of his employees will take Costco a lot further than a little more money now.

The other story I enjoyed was that of Jeff Skoll, founder of eBay. The billioniare who started the company with a friend in the mid-1990's now has more money than he knows what to do with. It would be understandable if he flushed money into meaningless escapades, but Skoll has donated huge amounts of money into charitable organizations trying to make a positive impact in the world. He's all about philanthropy

Just a few of my observations on principles to apply:

1) Simplicity
Why try to do too much? We've started Echo Church to be as simple as possible. Right now we have two foci: the worship gathering and prayer meeting. Sure, as the years go by we'll have to add additional structures, but I hope we're always avoid becoming too diversified in what we try to do. The more complicated you make your operation, the more things that can get screwed up. Costco has figured this out with their products. Oh, and eBay is a billion dollar organization and only has a little over 8,000 employees.

2) Loyalty
You can't build established success by using people; you have to invest in them and want them to succeed as well. When you invest in people, you create something that will last long after you're gone.

3) Down-to-Earth Leadership
The days from leading from on high is over. People want a leader they can relate to. That's why I think blogging is transforming the way we view leadership [related article here]. Followers don't care if their leader has some foibles as long as he/she is down to earth.

4) The Goal
With both these leaders, money is not necessarily their goal. The world is full of people who have figured out how to make money. But can money really buy happiness [don't answer]. I honestly believe that those who set out to build something significant will find that the money will take care of itself.

Whether it's a business or a church you're building, there's some good stuff here. Check out the articles above for more.

There's Something About Mary

This is what it sounds like . . . when Mary cries.

Yep friends, the virgin mother is at it again. This time it's in Sacramento as a Mary Statue seems to be spewing tears of blood. I remember that there was a Mary appearance in northern Kentucky back in the 1990's, but we've never met.

Growing up on Cincinnati's westside, I'm rather familiar with Roman Catholicism. Conversations about Catholicism are usually polarizing: either you love it or you hate it. As for me, I'm sorta lukewarm. I think that the Catholic Church [capital "c"] has gotten a bad rap among Protestants. Those who "went the way of Martin Luther" like to cite the atrocities committed throughout the Catholicism's history, but we neglect to admit that it's also our history. Don't discriminate and ignore all the good in this world that Catholicism has brought. Just drive through the city past all the hospitals and social services with "Saint," "Mother" and "Lady" in their titles. And there are even some sacraments that we evangelical types have neglected [see "confession"], that might be useful to growth in the Christian community.

But one thing I just cannot stomach is their deification of Mary. A poor interpretation of the birth narrative of Jesus in Luke resulted in Catholicism elevating Mary to a status that is unhealthy. While I'm not sure their Mary theology absolves any of the positives that come from the Catholic Church, I know it doesn't help.

During this time of year we focus on the birth of Christ, accomplished through a young girl [most likely Mary was in her early teens when Jesus was born]. Her faithfulness to the Lord at such a young age is admirable. Imagine the blessings awarded her in all that her eyes were allowed to see in her son. Isn't it enough to appreciate that and let her be a normal woman who was used by God?

My advice for Sacramento: Johnson and Johnson Baby Shampoo. That should fix up that statue.

True Story

A lady walks into Panera this morning, inquiring about our bacon and egg souffles.

"Do these things keep well?" she asked.

"For a day or so they do," I replied.

Her response: "Then wrap one up. My dog would love one."

Yes, friends. She wanted a souflee for her dog. And then she asked a great follow up question:

"Do you think it will stay warm in my car?"

Hmmmm. That's a tough one. True, it was 32 degrees outside, but I was so dumbfounded at our earlier dialogue that I think I told her it would indeed stay warm. The nagging thought that I still have about our conversation twelve hours later has nothing to do with her internal thermometer. I'm still wondering about her dog's dietary habits.

Did the lady really think the dog cared what she fed it? Did she really need to drop $3 and get her canine some higher-quality cuisine? Call me crazy, but I think Puppy Chow is cheaper.

Don't call PETA on me, but IT'S A DOG FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! A dog will eat it's own vomit . . . nay, it's own feeces, if allowed. He sniffs one area and licks another. Would Fido really care whether or not his souffle was warm enough?

And that's all I have to say about that.

My Little Soccer Player

Just felt our little girl's kick for the first time. She's been tearing into Kelly's side like an Australian footballer. OK, maybe not that much, but it was enough that I was shocked when I felt it.

Maybe this is the event that will lead me to the fake name dubbing. I've been holding off because I find this to be a bigger decision than the actual naming of the girl. I need a fake, funny name by which to reference the baby.

I'm open to suggestions. After tonight, it might be "Becks."

A Little On The Trashy Side

And now, time to go back . . .

Yesterday morning a Rumpke garbage man was hit by a truckin Butler County while crossing the road on his route. The person who hit him, driving a red pick-up truck, fled the scene. Apparently he'll be O.K., but Rumpke released a press statement urging people to be careful as they pass garbage trucks. This story reminded me of an incident back in high school with my brother Tim [who, by the way, has recently figured out how to send me disgusting emails].

One summer we were up early to go to work for Carr Electric, who happen to drive a better deal. Tim was driving his 1989 Pontiac Grand Prix, that I would later own, up the "backroad" to the shop. Dogtrot Road ascends up a steep hill with a lot of blind curves. Already running a little late according to Ken Carr time, we got behind a Rumpke Recycling Truck that wasn't sure if it was stopping or going. After a minute or so of waiting behind this guy, Tim saw an opening and decided to pass. As we began to pull around, the truck suddenly stopped and the driver hopped out of the car . . . right onto the car. Yeah, I found myself staring straight into the eyes of the garbage man, who was now sprawled across Tim's hood.

We jumped out of the car to check on the guy, who was still a little stunned. Honestly, it wasn't Tim's fault; this guy was new on the job. After triple-checking to see if he was OK, we went on our way. A guy driving the other way stopped us to see if we wanted his information. He saw what happened and wanted to make sure we had a witness. Tim didn't think we needed it, but I said, "definitely, sir, we'll take your phone number." I didn't want to get arrested for us running over the Rumpke guy.

About a half an hour later, we saw the guy parked at the nearby UDF talking on a pay phone while rubbing his arm. I felt bad for the guy, but you have to look both ways before you cross the street.

To my knowledge, Tim has yet to hit another garbage man. Unless that was him up in Butler County yesterday morning. I mean, how many people drive red pickup trucks?

Calling It Quits

Call me a girl, but I died a little inside when I heard.

I thought about calling in sick to work, but I knew I had to press on.

I still haven't regained my appetite, so I'm force-feeding myself.

Yes friends, Nick and Jessica are calling it quits.

Just in case my daughter decides to read my blog ten years from now and wonders who Nick and Jessica are, that's Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. They had a pretty good reign as the Hollywood "It-Couple." I'm sure no one saw it coming . . . well, except for anyone who's ever watched an episode of Newlyweds. You knew it was doomed from the start. The driving force behind the show's popularity wasn't the blonde's good-looks, but her knack of saying the most ridiculous things. Gimme a moment to share some of Jessica's gems:

"I have to go drop some kids in the pool."
"No thanks. I don't eat buffalo."
"Well 23 is old! It's almost 25, which is almost mid-twenties."
"'Platypus?' I thought it was pronounced, 'platymapus.' Has it always been 'platypus?'"

Brilliant.

Of all the Top Gun songs for Jessica to cover, it would've been more apropos for "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling." I blame her.

Call me a homer, but my heart is with the Cincinnati guy here. For those of you who didn't know, Lachey is from town here, attending the School For The Creative and Performing Arts. He's a huge UC fan [Losing to Dayton?!?! At Home?!?! I miss you, Huggins!], and claims that there's no place in the world like Cincy.

So considering this split-up, there's now the chance that Nick might leave L.A. and move back here to town, I'm sending this personal invitation out to Mr Lachey:

You are cordially invited to Echo Church. We meet in Walnut Hills on Sunday nights. If you come, we'll allow you to perform special music. Just no 98 Degrees songs, por favor. Maybe Via Dolorosa or something churchy like that.

Now that I've gotten this out, I'm feeling better. I think I'll survive this break-up. I feel like eating a turkey sandwich.

Holiday Hangover

Had a great extended weekend as we enjoyed Thanksgiving Day at my parents and the few days afterward down in Lexington. Stuffed a lot into those four days. Probably won't be able to remember everything that happened, but will give it a go. Will try to use pronouns at least a couple of times in this post. Updates from the weekend:

• Last Wednesday night was Brett Michaels concert at Annie's. Mullets galore, my friends. It was almost sad to see Michaels still pretending it was the 1980's, but not quite as sad as all the people who were cheering him on . . . um, of which I was one. Yes, every rose has it's thorn. Had a great time with Larry, Aaron and Scott. and I even learned a few things. I'll never listen to "Reelin' in the Years" the same again.

• Love that Thanksgiving meal. Or meals. Two different families mean two days in a row of stuffing myself. Yes, Thanksgiving rocks. It has to be the best holiday of them all. All you do is eat and be thankful. Plus you get an extended weekend with the knowledge that the Christmas holiday is just around the corner. Can't wait till next year.

• Saw UK play basketball Friday night at Rupp Arena. Liberty University needed Jerry Falwell's prayers, as they didn't stand a chance against the Wildcats. Thanks to my in-laws' season tickets, I've had quite a few chances to see UK basketball in person. It's an absolutely amazing sight. Even during a holiday weekend, and playing a cruddy opponent, they sell-out the place. To see 24,000 people going crazy over a basketball game is amazing. And don't worry about Kelly not being able to see her team play; she's going to see them play North Carolina this weekend.

• Enjoyed four days-in-a-row of sleeping in. It was rough getting up this morning, but work wasn't too bad today as it was pretty slow. Everyone must still be reeling from a turkey overdose.

• The Bengals took care of business again. Next week is huge. Gotta beat Pittsburgh to guarantee a play-off berth. Who-dey!

• And finally, Sunday night we had a great Echo gathering. I'm loving our little church. Can't wait to see where God takes us in the years to come.

And now, with the feasting behind us, just four weeks until Christmas. Now, it officially 'tis the season . . .

It Starts With One

Tomorrow is more than just a national holiday reserved for turkey gouging and football watching. Tomorrow marks the anniversary of my beginning this social crazy social experiment called Beit Carr. Yes, I've been doing this for one full year. In my very first post I listed four roadblocks to me blogging successfully; I guess I overcame them if I'm still doing this more than a year later. I'm not sure how many more of these anniversaries I'll make but I think I can keep this up.

I like to think that I picked a good year to blog. A lot happened this year in my life: we lived in four different locations [1, 2, 3, 4], we traveled around the world, we found out we were having a baby girl, and we decided to start a new church.

I worked the spectrum this past year: I was funny, I was serious, I was right, I was wrong, I was hijacked, and I was funny again.

I hope you've enjoyed reading my blog. I promise I'll keep it coming.

Nothing But A Good Time

Not quite the post I thought would follow the "It's A Girl" announcement, but my life is disjointed like that . . .

Tomorrow night is going to rock [literally] because I'm going to see Brett Michaels in concert, whom you might remember better as the lead singer of a little band called Poison! Props to Larry Budde who works across the street from Annie's, the venue showing the concert, and scored the free tickets.

Yes, I'll bring a lighter with me, ready to burn strong during the singing of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." I swear, though, if he says the words, "And here's a song from my new album" more than three times, we're outta there. But reading this review of his solo tour, it sounds like it's going to be a little bit of nostalgia.

In keeping with this musical theme, tonight we watched parts of the American Music Awards. Random thoughts for you on what they showed:

• Gwen Stefani appeared with rapper Pharell so she could echo back to him twenty times, "You got it like that." No singing, just saying that line over and over again. She must have owed him one. Couldn't they have gotten Martha Stewart to rap that?

• Isn't Keith Urban from Canada? Can this really be considered country music? I mean, isn't it supposed to be our country? This stuff sounds more like Michael W. Smith anyway.

• Way to go Hillary Duff, joining the, "I'm-Giving-Up-My-Nice-Act-To-Dress-Like-A-Skank" Club. Couldn't you have held out?

• I really can't stand that Florida team and they way they try to use Christianity to feel both persecuted and superior to everyone else. What the . . . oh, we just flipped over to The Amazing Race. My bad. Still gotta root for the Linz's from Cincinnati.

• Yes! Cyndi Lauper singing "Time After Time." Thanks to producers for using a black and white grainy effect to make us feel like it looks old. I mean, she did originally sing it way back in the eighties . . .

• R Kelly wasn't there to accept his award. Still stuck in the closet, I guess [note: you know he needed a character in that song with the name Chuck in order to manufacture some well-thought rhymes].

• Congratulations trend-setter Ashlee Simpson! Lipsyncing is still alive and well . . . in awards shows.

As philosopher Shakira said tonight, "Music is a language all it's own."

Brilliant.

And our baby is . . .

. . . a girl!

I was right all along. I would've put money on it, but no one was taking bets.

We're thrilled at the news; like I wrote yesterday, it's starting to feel even more real. Perhaps the coolest part of the ultrasound was seeing all the fingers on the little girl's hand. It's so amazing how God allows us humans to be created!

The ultrasound technician did say there was an 85% chance it was a girl, meaning there's a 15% percent chance she was wrong. These, however, are odds I'm willing to accept. This is the first grandchild in Kelly's family, the seventh in mine [the second girl on our side]. All the grandparents were excited about the news. And now there's four months to go until we get to see her face to face.

All day I've been thinking about "her." Isn't interesting what a pronoun can do? For the past four or five months we've been talking about this baby as an "it," not wanting to distinguish its sex. And now, "it" is a "she." It changes everything.

Every morning at Panera there's this guy in his mid-thirties that comes in with his two-and-a-half year old daughter. The little girl has a different toy every day that she likes to show me. She's absolutely adorable. The more I saw them, the more I thought how fun it would be to take my little girl on errands with me. And now I'll get my chance.

Yeah, it's starting to feel so real . . .

. . . and I can't wait.

Then we'll know . . .

. . . and nothing will ever be the same.

Tomorrow morning we'll discover whether we're having a boy or a girl. I really don't care which it is; I'd settle for healthy. Of course, there's always a chance that the ultrasound will be inconclusive, so all this anticipation could be for nothing.

Some people are puzzled that we would want to know and spoil the surprise. Are you kidding me? Life is full of surprises. I'm one of those people who would be O.K. opening Christmas presents on December 12th. I'll be just fine knowing this information now, thank you very much.

Kelly is starting to show a little more everyday, but it still hasn't seemed real that we're going to be parents. That's why I think everything will change when we know the baby's sex. We still haven't seriously talked about a name or decorating the nursery or anything like that. I think this will get me excited about that. You have no idea how excited I am.

And in case you're wondering, I predict we're having a girl. But if I'm wrong, then we're having a boy. I'll let you know here tomorrow.

The Trifecta?

Everything's going my way.

Ohio State comes back to beat Michigan in the last minute this afternoon. UC comes back to beat Murray State [don't laugh] in overtime this evening. Perhaps tomorrow the Bengals will come back to defeat the Colts.

Or maybe they won't need to come back at all.

It could happen . . .

Steve Secret Five

I only wear "tight collars."

I thought I'd end this week on a biggie for me. Everyone has certain parts of themselves that they're less excited about. For me, it's my neck. I've always felt like a giraffe. So I've tried for years to make it look shorter any way I could. Because plastic surgery is unappealing to me [do they even do neck reduction?], I chose to solve the problem through my wardrobe selection.

During my first year in junior high, I wore a turtleneck two or three times each week to school. I've reduced the number of turtlenecks I wore over the years, but I still prefer collared shirts. And regardless of what I'm wearing, I always wear a white t-shirt underneath. I think I own about fifteen white t-shirts. And the size of all of them are small.

You see, the reason I wear the t-shirt is so I can guarantee a tight neckline. And it has to be small because the larger your t-shirt size, the looser the neck hole. I find loose neck holes to be wretched. To explain this I looked all over the web for a picture of an Iraqi general who was captured in this war who was wearing a t-shirt with a neck hole the size of my waist. I couldn't find the picture, which is probably fortunate, because it makes me want to yak.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to not wear a tight-collared t-shirt. But why should I have to try?

So there you go, one week of my secrets. Hope they've been insightful, and that my honesty allowed you to understand me a little better.

Make fun of me if you like, but I enjoy being me.

Steve Secret Four

I talk to myself.

"So what?" you ask. "Everyone talks to themselves."

Yeah, but I do it all the time and get caught.

Every once in awhile, passing through Eden Park, I see this guy waiting at the bus stop yelling at the sky. Unfortunately, there's no one around him, so I assume that he's a little out of his mind. I make sure not to make eye contact with him as I drive by. Hey, if this guy yells at himself when no ones around, I don't want to see what happens when he gets an audience.

I'm not quite as bad as the bus stop guy, but I'm working on it. Just the other day I was at work and had to go to the bathroom [obviously]. As I walked in, I stepped toward the urinal [sorry if this is too much info] and began saying to myself, "Man, dude! You've been pushing it hard all day," at which time I heard a rustling in the stall next to me. Knowing that I had just been caught talking to myself, all I could do is start humming, finish as quickly as I could [I did wash my hands] and get out of there.

I know I should stop talking to myself, but I just do it naturally. My grandmother, who passed away nine years ago, used to tell me that I was destined to be a preacher because, even as a baby, I was always talking to myself. She might have nailed my career path, but perhaps she misdiagnosed my self-dialogue. I think it really means I'm loco.

Make fun of me if you like, but I have some pretty good conversations with myself.

Steve Secret Three

I pee a lot.

I don't mean to alarm you: it's not that I have a health problem or anything. It's the result of my drinking a lot of caffeinated fluids and having a small bladder.

As I've admitted before, I drink Diet Coke like it's . . . well, water. Yes, I've had to fall back on drinking Diet Pepsi or Mountain Dew during the day because Panera is a Pepsi store. It's not that I need the caffeine to stay away from headaches or wake me up, I just don't like the taste of decaffeinated drinks.

But once I start hitting the beverages, I need a restroom trip in a half an hour. Yep, I've got a tiny tank. I even find myself waking up at night having to tinkle [yeah, I said "tinkle." How many other synonyms can I use? No one wants to keep reading "pee" and "urinate" is too formal]. Whenever I'm driving on a long trip or in a seminar or something like that, I monitor my liquid intake so I don't have to hit the bathroom as frequently. But if I know I'm near a bathroom, I'll drink all day. Even as I write this I'm toking a 32-ounce fountain drink. Guess where I'll be in half an hour?

Make fun of me if you like, but there's a bathroom down the hall.

Steve Secret Two

I have a higher-toned voice that has been mistaken for that of a woman.

Just last Saturday Kelly and I were at the Sam's Club in Oakley looking for a mantle for our fireplace. As we were walking down an aisle I saw this long haired lady struggling to get something into her cart. As I walked up to her, trying to be helpful I asked, "Can I help you, ma'am?" It was then that "she" turned around and I saw it was a man. I swear it looked like a woman from behind. Embarrassed, I sorta said sorry and told Kelly that was time to leave.

It's always difficult when you mistake someone for the opposite sex. You don't know how to make up for it. Even worse is when you are the one being mistaken for.

I don't have a deep voice. I sing tenor and, in my falsetto voice, can hit notes higher than some women. Occasionally, about once every couple of months, I have an experience that reminds me that I'm no Barry White. I'll go through a drive-thru to pick up some food, firmly place my order and then have the voice in the box tell me:

"That'll be $9.86 at the first window ma'am."

Ma'am? I should reach through that box and beat the crap out of you.

That's why now, when I order a Quarter-Pounder, I tend to put some bass in my voice. I think it helps if I talk more manly. But regardless of my voice, it still doesn't matter at Frisch's. It's impossible to remain masculine while ordering a "Big Boy" or a "Brawny Lad."

Make fun of me if you like, but at least I don't have to listen to my own voice.

Steve Secret One

I like Usher's music.

I'm into a lot of different kinds of music. From rap to rock, classical to country, I'm a connoisseur of different tunes. But here's one guy whose music I can't get enough of. Yes friends, A-town in the house.

*I had to search for the following information on the web so even though I'm coming out as liking Usher, don't think I have this knowledge memorized; I'm not that crazy.

Usher [or as Ludacris would refer to him, "Ooo-shure"], who just celebrated his 27th birthday a few weeks ago, was discovered when he was a contestant on Star Search. He has catchy songs, is an agile dancer and even has a new movie out next week. What can't this guy do?

I think the song that got me hooked on young Usher Raymond's music was U Got It Bad. These are some of the lyrics from that song:

"All my people who know what's going on
Look at your mate, help me sing my song
Tell her, 'I'm your man, you're my girl.
I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world.'
Ladies say, 'I'm your girl, you're my man
Promise to love you the best I can.'"

Dang! Now that's poetry. I'll be reflecting on those words all night. He's definitely da' bomb.

I have yet to buy an Usher CD, but once he gets a greatest hits album out, I'll get it.

Make fun of me if you like, but I don't care. I'm Caught Up.

The Week O' Secrets

Next week will complete for me one year blogging. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. Few habits have I been able to maintain like House of Carr [Beit Carr for the Hebrew speaking crowd], but somehow I stuck with it.

Even though I like to think of this as a somewhat spiritual exercise, I'm not sure that blogging is akin to journaling. Since this forum is out on the world wide web for all to see [thanks, Al Gore] I might not be as forthcoming as I would if this was a written diary. Yep, I've held some embarrassing stuff back from you, things I couldn't get myself to share. But I think now's the perfect time to get some of my deep, dark secrets out there.

So in recognition of my blogging anniversary I've decided that I'm going to commit this week's postings to total honesty. I'm gonna be talking about stuff that only Kelly knows.

I tried to do a theme week once before and it failed miserably. But I think my transparency here will make for a little more compelling read.

So starting tomorrow, here comes my secrets. Tell your friends.