Steve Secret Five

I only wear "tight collars."

I thought I'd end this week on a biggie for me. Everyone has certain parts of themselves that they're less excited about. For me, it's my neck. I've always felt like a giraffe. So I've tried for years to make it look shorter any way I could. Because plastic surgery is unappealing to me [do they even do neck reduction?], I chose to solve the problem through my wardrobe selection.

During my first year in junior high, I wore a turtleneck two or three times each week to school. I've reduced the number of turtlenecks I wore over the years, but I still prefer collared shirts. And regardless of what I'm wearing, I always wear a white t-shirt underneath. I think I own about fifteen white t-shirts. And the size of all of them are small.

You see, the reason I wear the t-shirt is so I can guarantee a tight neckline. And it has to be small because the larger your t-shirt size, the looser the neck hole. I find loose neck holes to be wretched. To explain this I looked all over the web for a picture of an Iraqi general who was captured in this war who was wearing a t-shirt with a neck hole the size of my waist. I couldn't find the picture, which is probably fortunate, because it makes me want to yak.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to not wear a tight-collared t-shirt. But why should I have to try?

So there you go, one week of my secrets. Hope they've been insightful, and that my honesty allowed you to understand me a little better.

Make fun of me if you like, but I enjoy being me.