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Introduction To The House of Carr
Introduction To The House of Carr

I Love It When You Call Me Big Papa

I don't think I'll take pictures of Kaelyn everyday of her life, but here's another one: We only had outdoor pets growing up. Low maintenance. You threw out some food for them . . . and that was pretty much it.

So I guess I really wasn't prepared for the 24/7 attention a baby requires.

Still, adjusting to having Kaelyn home has gone rather smoothly. She's on a pretty regular schedule: she sleeps, she poops, she eats. This reoccurs in three hour increments. I imagine it'll be a long time before we get to sleep through the night, but this is why people have kids, isn't it?

Kel and I were just talking about how small she is. She gained six ounces in the first twenty-four hours after we brought her home. In a few weeks she'll be a big[ger] baby and we won't have these days where we can handle her like she's a doll. Gotta enjoy it while we can.

Good times.

NBC = Nothing But Crap

I, like many of you, was enthralled by the Lazy Sunday short ["the Chronic-{what?}-les of Narnia" rap] that was on Saturday Night Live a couple of months ago. After being posted on You Tube the clip was viewed over five million times. The sketch became a cult classic, reigniting interest in SNL and giving it a fresh new attitude. But somewhere along the way greed took over. NBC gave You Tube a cease and desist order, also demanding that they take all NBC content off their site. In addition to this, they started selling Lazy Sunday on iTunes for $1.99 [isn't that the same price for an entire episode of Lost or The Office?]. This money-motivated move has squelched the clip's momentum and has drawn the ire of many in the blogosphere.

Church of the Consumer did an excellent job of tracing the rise [and fall] of this fad and also criticizing NBC for getting too wolfish. It's amazing that these networks are supposed to employ some of the sharpest minds in the marketing world and yet they were oblivious to the PR goldmine they had on their hands.

I've been a fan of SNL since junior high school. From Dana Carvey and Mike Myers to Chris Farley and Adam Sandler, the show was hysterical. But they're in the midst of [by my count] an eight year slump. They need all the help they can get to convince the public that the show is still relevant. The Lazy Sunday clip was a great ambassador. But NBC didn't want to lose out on the short-term cash cow. Way to be near-sighted.

For you entrepreneurial types out there, this goof by NBC is a great lesson. What's the goal of every successful business? [Be honest] It's to make money. But sometimes you gotta spend [or sacrifice] a little money to make even more. Nickle and diming will only get you so far.

So you can still call me Aaron Burr from the way I'm dropping Hamiltons but, rest assured, it's not on SNL iTunes downloads.

Now That She's Home

Now this, my friends, is living: In case you can't tell, that's Kaelyn sleeping in the playpen.

After a 24 day hospital stay, Kaelyn is finally home.

It's sorta surreal. Most people get to bring their baby home after a few days and we had to wait three-and-a-half weeks. It's only been a couple of hours now, but it seems like she's adjusting rather well. She and mom got to take a nap together.

I had no idea how much noise she makes. When we were in the NICU, everything seemed quieter with all the machines and people around. Now, every few minutes, Kaelyn makes squeeky sounds. It's awesome. At least for now it is. Wonder if we'll get any sleep tonight . . .

So now the fun starts. Just eighteen years more and we'll be done.

Almost Home

Sorry about the light blogging as of late. I sat down wanting to post something last night, but again I had nothing I wanted to say. Well, that's not entirely true. I wanted to talk about the rappers that won the Oscar last night, but that's like shootin' fish in a barrel. Oh, and I was just watching Deal Or No Deal for a couple of minutes. How is this a popular show? Watching adults play Memory with Howie Mandell isn't my idea of compelling television. Anyway, tomorrow is the big day! We're bringing home the little girl. She looks amazing and we can't wait to finally have her under our roof. Unfortunately both Kelly and I felt under the weather today so what should be an ultra-exciting time is sorta stressing us out. I'm hoping a good night of sleep will solve everything.

So here she comes!

Dropping Dimes

I love college basketball. There's nothing quite like it. This season has been particularly interesting to me. Watching my Bearcats trying to scratch and claw their way into the NCAA tournament has been suprisingly fulfilling. So here are some quick hits this afternoon as I eagerly anticipate the madness that accompanies March. Andy Kennedy should be offered the UC job. President Zimpher miscalculated how much this town loved Bob Huggins and she's paid the price. All Kennedy has done is save her butt. He took a rag-tag group of scholarship players and walk-ons and has the Bearcats on the verge of getting into the tournament. Not offering him the job would be even dumber than firing Huggins. It's true I'm emotionally invested in this one, but it's time to make the right decision and remove "interim" from his title.

Mid-majors are overrated. Bracket prognosticators are saying that the Missouri Valley Conference should get five teams in the tourney, and the Colonial conference should get three. Are they serious? Since when should these leagues get more teams to the dance than the ACC? I attribute this misinterpretation of greatness to the oversaturation of college basketball coverage. If these lower echelon teams are going to get all this run, then I'd encourage teams struggling in their power conferences to drop down to lower ones and start kicking butt. This is getting ridiculous. Cinderella isn't Cinderella if her last name is Trump. Keeping with this theme . . .

Gonzaga is overrated. If they're the fifth best team in the country, then I'm Gheorghe Muresan. I watched these guys the other night need a three-pointer at the buzzer to beat San Francisco at home. The San Francisco Dons [what a mascot] used to be awesome . . . back in the 50's when they had Bill Russell. Gonzaga needs some real competition to deserve that ranking. My prediction: they're out by the second round.

Storming the court has gotta stop. Last night Florida State was given a technical foul when their fans stormed the court with 1.7 seconds remaining in their game against Duke. The game was in hand, but still, the game wasn't over. Fans rushing the court is bush league, especially Florida State who defeated Duke at home two seasons earlier [they rushed the court then too]. With all the drunk loonies in the stands, something is eventually going to go wrong and a visiting player will be hurt. If colleges can't control the environment, they should have to forfeit these games.

All I got for now. More as the madness draws nearer.

I Don't Swim In Your Toilet . . .

I left Kelly at the hospital this afternoon so I could return home and get ready for our prayer gathering. I spent about two and a half hours in the NICU; I keep feeling better and better. Anyway, I hit a red light at the intersection of Dorchester and Reading, where there's a little garden area on the side of the road. I noticed a man standing by the landscaping, staring down at it intently. I then noticed a stream being projected from his midsection.

Yes friends, the guy was peeing on the garden.

Now this wasn't the first time I have witnessed public urination in an urban setting. I grew up going to church in Price Hill so you could say I have a unique understanding of the communal whiz. But here's what I found puzzling about this gentleman I observed this afternoon:

1) It was in broad daylight. If you are going to take a leak out in the open, it's best to wait until after hours. If it was night, this guy could've gone on the sidewalk and the cover of darkness would've made it too difficult to discern what he was doing.

2) It was during rush hour. The clock hit 5:00 as I was driving through the intersection. This is the busiest time of day for this particular intersection. Seriously, any other time of day and fewer cars drive by. This guy picked the ultimate drive-time in which to let loose.

3) There were acceptable alternatives available. This little garden area butts up to a wooded area. Accessing the wooded area only required an additional six steps and would've allowed optimal coverage.

So even now, I'm confused. I wish I had rolled down the window and asked the guy why he decided to micturate before all God's people next to that landscaping. But any guy crazy enough to tinkle on a garden in broad daylight would most likely be crazy enough to kill me. So maybe I made the right decision in not asking, but this will most definitely haunt me for years to come.

And to think: I get gun-shy in airport bathrooms . . .

Still Yellow, But Less Mellow

This is me . . . turning the corner. By far, the best day of the past couple of weeks. I'm still a little out of it, but I'm heading out into the clearing.

This morning Kelly and I were preparing to go to her doctor appointment. Her appointment got cancelled so we went out and bought Kaelyn a crib. We now officially have everything we need to bring the little girl home.

And speaking of the little girl, my nine-day hiatus ended this evening as I felt good enough to spend an hour with her. Holding her was great; she had this grin of contentment on her face as I explained to her where daddy has been.

Kaelyn is growing well; she's regained the weight she lost and is now at 4 pounds, 8 ounces. Unfortunately, she had another apnea episode last night so it restarts the clock. She has to go seven days with no episodes. So now we just wait till she's ready to come home.

Life's getting better. It looks like we've made it.

Day By Day

This was probably the most depressing week of my life. To go an entire week without getting to see your new child is nothing but suck. I think I've turned a corner, but I'm still struggling. I'm still trying to keep a positive attitude about things, but if I don't get back to normal this week I might have to go on a shooting spree. In an effort to let you in on my world, here's some of my observations about my Hepatitis A.

  • It's felt like someone punching you in the gut. I guess it's a swollen liver that puts stress on your stomach that makes you feel this way. My appetite vanished; I finally forced myself to start eating on Thursday. And even though I haven't eaten, I feel bloated.
  • My temperature would spike in the evenings. So I'd feel OK through most of the afternoon only to get a fever at night. Fortunately I've had two nights in a row with no incidents, which is another thing that has led me to believe I'm on the back end of this.
  • I'm jaundiced. Kaelyn had some jaundice and I struggled to see it; mine is noticeable. Since my liver isn't working right, I have a yellow pigmentation in my face and upper body that looks freaky. The worst is that the whites of my eyes are yellow too. So far this has no sign of stopping.
  • I'm constantly exhausted. Simply walking a few steps causes me to lose my breath.
  • In addition to all this, I lost my ability to concentrate which made it almost impossible to read. So it was a full week of watching television. I forgot how much bad TV is televised in the course of a week. And this is the first day I've felt like typing in a few days as well.

But, like I said, I think the end is near. Tomorrow marks two weeks since I first developed symptoms so that's quite long enough as far as I'm concerned.

So here's to no more Hepatitis. That would rock.

Thriller Night

Well, since Steve is on hiatus with his hepatitis status, I figured I should entertain the masses in his place.

Steve's jaundice gives him a look as if he has a bit of a tan. Except for those yellow eyes. A little creepy and yet kind of cool at the same time. Reminds me of the Michael Jackson Thriller video. Remember it? I had the video with the whole behind the scenes making of stuff (that we take for granted on DVDs today). Anyway, I remember when they showed how they made Michael Jackson into the werewolf character pictured here. They put these HUGE yellow contact-like things that covered his entire eyeball. Ick! I can't imagine what that felt like! Anyway, when I see Steve right now, I am reminded of these yellow contacts.

Me and My Hepatitis

Why the silence? I've still been sick. Really sick. Went to the doctor [again] and this time they ran blood work on me. They even sent me over to Deaconess Hospital to get an ultrasound of my gall bladder [it's a boy]. The bloodwork confirmed:

I have acute viral hepatitis A.

Ain't I special?

Unfortunately there are no antibiotics they can give me so I'm left to ride it out, which could be up to two weeks.

Overall, we're upbeat about things but this is getting a little crazy.

"Bacon?!?! I smell Bacon!"

Nothing implied here: Kobe Bryant to Joel Osteen in six steps. 1) Kobe Bryant plays in the National Basketball Association for the Los Angeles Lakers.

2) Bryant, who is averaging 35 points-per-game this year, was voted an NBA All-Star.

3) The NBA All-Star Weekend is being hosted by Houston this year.

4) Houston was awarded the game because of the Rocket's new Toyota Center.

5) Their old arena, The Compaq Center, was sold to local Lakewood Church.

6) Of which, Joel Osteen is senior pastor.

An Olympic-Sized Joke

Attention American Olympians: The USOC has asked me to inform you of a fact they that thought you already knew:

YOU'RE AMERICAN.

If you know this fact, you're not acting like it.

It's rather unlikely that all of you immigrated to the US, so you should know that only one thing matters to us Americans:

WINNING.

But apparently winning just isn't a big deal to some of you. First there are Bode Miller and Jeremy Bloom who made statements that winning medals isn't as important as the Olympic experience [tell that to your sponsors and see what they say]. Then there is men's figure skater Johnny Weir who, after falling from a sure silver medal to fifth place, blamed a late bus ride, bad vibes, and feeling "black inside."

And now, our friend, Lindsey Jacobellis.

Jacobellis was competing earlier today in the first women's Olympic snowboardcross final [Is it just me or are they just making up events as they go?] This "sport" consists of people racing through a snowboard track. Lindsay had the event sewed up. The gold medal was hers. She was excited about the victory, so she decided to get some big air, do a little trick, and grab her board during the final jump. Unfortunately, she bit it.

This wouldn't be too bad if not for the fact that THE RACE WASN'T OVER YET! She lost her gold medal and was forced to take home silver. They just showed the tape of the race on NBC. Her lead was massive. She said she was just trying to stabilize herself, but that's damage control. It was no accident she lost; it was just a case of her showboating.

And these, proud Americans, are the Olympians we sent to represent us in Torino.

While we want to be embarrassed by them, it might actually be an accurate representation of what our country has become:

1) We are a country of excuse-makers, justifying all our screw-ups. Instead of taking responsibility, we're looking for something or someone to blame. And not only do we make excuses, we do it preemptively so we have that defense in advance.

2) We are a country of glory hounds, always lauding our own accomplishments. It's no longer enough to get the job done, but it must be done with panache. I have to point my finger in your face. I have to pump my fist. I have to thump my chest.

How sad is it that, in order to get back on track, the voice of reason becomes eccentric Oakland Raiders Al Davis. His rather American mantra: "Just win, baby."

Maybe this Winter Olympics will be worth something afterall: it'll provide a scary reflection of what we Americans have become.

One Last Blast

And while I'm on a roll, why does our local media feel the need to bust into regular programming with a "Special Report" whenever it starts to rain? Notice there's no way that they'll ever interrupt a commercial break, but will wait right until the show you're watching comes back on.

Now they'll say that they're doing this because they care about the community. But if this "breaking news" is really so important, why don't they wait till after the commercial break? It's like they're saying, "Yes we care, but not enough to tick off the sponsors and lose advertising money."

My take: They don't care.

There, I said it. I feel better.

Seriously, they're becoming the boy who cried wolf. I'm starting to tune them out. They've broken in so much that someday something serious is going to happen and I'll refuse to listen. They'll interrupt my show, I'll flip over to Comedy Central and be sucked away by a tornado while watching The Colbert Report.

I never switched over to the DISH because of the local channel thing. I now ask myself why I cared.

I need some sleep.

Pay For Play

Just watched an ABC Primetime segment on how record labels use bribes to get radio stations to play their artists' music. The reporter was appalled that these labels could manipulate the public, forcing them to buy their music. One of the offenders they listed was J-Lo. I just laughed.

We get that bent out of shape? If the music sucks people aren't going to buy it; Trust me: the only money J-Lo is getting out of my pocket would be me paying her not to sing.

Yes, this might seem unfair to these small bands trying to make but whoever said the music industry was fair? It's all about who you know [or who you're willing to fornicate with]. It's rarely about how talented you are [I rest my case].

A Hackweight Takeout

Being sick sucks. This we know. What makes it worse is suffering through daytime television. But fortunately for me, there's the Twentieth Winter Olympiad.

"WHAT?!?!" you ask. "The Olympics are horrible!"

I agree. Except for one event:

CURLING!!! Yes, Curling is awesome! I hope that ESPN comes to their senses and launches a Curling Channel in the near future. That would be rad.

I just watched the USA kick Sweden's butt around the ice. Seriously, I watched the entire match and even gave a fist pump when the US clinched it. I guess there's only one problem: I have no freakin' idea what the rules are.

I feel like an idiot watching them slide their stones and sweep their ice [what other sport involves doing housework?] because I don't know what they're trying to accomplish; I'm still not sure how they score. And the commentators use all these technical terms about the sport. They were speaking English, but it might as well have been Swedish.

You know, I could spend some time researching the sport, maybe checking out a website like this to figure out all the lingo. But . . . honestly, I don't care that much.

I don't worry too much about feeling like an idiot every four years.