One Year

You ever wonder why a year's time is so significant? Looking back on my blog, I have a lot of entries commemorating various anniversaries and birthdays- time periods measured in year increments. Why is it that there's no sense in observing three hundred days time, but add another sixty-five days and then you have something?

But a year is an ideal amount of time. It's not too long, but not too short; it takes time to get there, but it happens quickly. It allows you time for reflection, time to move on.

I'm thinking about this because it was a year ago this week that my aunt took her own life. I remember that day vividly. I was supposed to go to Reds Opening Day. Awakened at 5:30 in the morning with a phone call from my dad, hearing the horrible news. Heading across town to be with my parents, and the heading over to see my uncle. Talking to my siblings on the phone, struggling to deal with it, and then having to be to tell my grandmother. It seems like so long ago, but I still feel that sick feeling in my stomach.

Our family still has a rough time dealing with it all. I think we don't talk about it because we're still not sure how to adjust to life without her. We had our family holiday get-togethers like we always do, but it was awkward. There was an elephant in the room that we ignored. Barbara was a huge part of us. Even a year later, we haven't figured out how to deal with it, but I pray that the coming year helps us to open up a little more.

One thing's for sure: I sure do miss her. I really wanted to fit Barb into Kaelyn's name, but it wasn't happening; just couldn't make it work. But I'll have great fun in the years to come telling my daughter about her great-aunt Barbara.

Sometimes a year is a long time. Sometimes it's not quite long enough. I guess it depends on what you're talking about.

Here's a link to the memorial I wrote about Barb last year.