Dear Ricky,

My name is Steve. How are you doing? I am fine. I've never met you before so I thought I would write this note so we can become better acquainted. I'm a minister here at Christ's Church in Mason, Ohio. It's a good place to be. I'm leaving soon, though; I'm getting ready to start a new church near downtown Cincinnati. It's exciting.

I'm about 5'9", 160 pounds with brown eyes and red hair. I've never really thought of it as red. It's more of a hybrid brown/red color. I've been married to my wonderful wife Kelly for almost seven years now. Serious, Ricky, she's awesome. We met in college. It's an interesting story. I'll have to tell you about it sometime.

So Ricky, what are you like? Do you think you can tell me a little bit about yourself? I've been trying to piece together a profile in my mind but I can't totally visualize- OH, I'M SORRY! I've written all this and have yet to let you know how I know you: apparently I have your old cell phone number. I've actually had it for over two years now. When I first got it, I was getting one or two of your calls a week. It's died down considerably, but every few months I get one of your calls. It's always a woman, but I can tell it's a different woman everytime. YOU 'DA MAN, RICKY! You got 'em lined-up, don't you? But, then again, maybe you're a pimp. That wouldn't be good. If you are a pimp, Ricky, I'd advise you to find a new career. You can do so many better things with your life than being a pimp.

Anyway, all of this brings me to the point of this letter. See, I was sound asleep last night, getting rest because I have to get up early Sunday morning to work [remember, I'm a minister!]. At 4:00 this morning I received a call on my cell phone. I woke up worried; a call that late at night[or early in the morning] is never good. I braced myself for some horrible news, answered the phone and heard, "Is Ricky there?" Somewhat relieved that it wasn't an emergency I muttered back, "Wrong number," and immediately hung up. Normally, Ricky, I don't mind a wrong number, but you know what I'm angry about, don't you buddy? So if you could let your lady friends know that you gave up that cell phone number over two years ago, that would be great.

Sorry if this note sounded harsh, but I just had to let you know. Things are still cool between us, Ricky, it's just I have to set up those boundaries. Hey, we should get together sometime soon and hang out. We could go bowling, or I still want to see that new Batman movie. It would be a blast.

Um . . . unless you're a pimp. Then we probably can't hang out. Kelly's never been too keen on me hanging out with pimps.

Talk to you later,