Steve Carr [1975-2005] - A Personal Eulogy

How difficult it is for me to put into words thoughts about a man like . . . me. This is definitely a difficult time for all of us, to have to experience the snuffing out of a character as unique as Stephen E. Carr leaves a huge hole in our lives. But we must go on. Well actually, I'm dead, so I've already gone on but YOU, YOU MUST GO ON. That being said, allow me to reflect on Steve as we remember his impact on our lives.

I liked Steve from the very beginning. Now don't get me wrong, he had his faults and there were those times that he was so obnoxious that I wanted to choke him to death. He was just a different kind of person. Always making jokes about everything, but taking life way to seriously. Always making sure the neck holes on his t-shirts were just right, but not washing his car for six months at a time. This guy would spend hours pouring over sentences he just wrote to get them to sound just right and then misspell the word definately four times.

He sure did like Burritos. Those big overstuffed ones from Chipotle and Qdoba. But he hated sour cream. Who doesn't like sour cream on their burrito? Of course, he had this thing against white non-sweet food. No mayonnaise, no cole slaw, and definately no cottage cheese. He was twisted.

Man, was his wife hot. How that guy ever got a woman so fine, God only knows. She put up with a lot of his crap, but I guess she actually enjoyed being married to him. Must have found him mysterious. Too bad the guy was cheap and should've bought more life insurance before he went out like that.

Steve loved sports. Good thing he never had any kids because he definately would have forced them to live out all his unfilled sports aspirations. Instead he was relegated to a daily regimen of watching Sports Center, listening to sports talk radio, and playing fantasy sports online. How this guy never owned a PlayStation is beyond me.

He was kinda like the month of March, the very month in which he died in. Except instead of coming in like a lion and out like a lamb, he came in like a Mini Cooper and out like a Winnebago. That reminds me, sometimes he tried to make jokes that would just bomb. Then he'd move into self-effacement mode and start ripping on himself. What a turd. I don't know why he would always do that crap.

He was a minister. But he would laugh at the way people treated him differently because he was a pastor. They had no idea that he was just as human as they were. He could be a huge jerk. He had a potty mouth sometimes. His lifestyle didn't make him worthy of his vocation. but he loved teaching the Bible. Steve was just thrilled to live a Christian life that didn't have to be dull and monotonous. He loved God and he loved being around people. And that made his life complete.

But he's dead now. So we should definately move on. There's more life out there to enjoy. And that's how I . . . um, I mean HE would've wanted it.