What The Fore?

How can two ministers go to a golf course on a beautiful day and almost get in two fights? I'm still not sure myself, but it almost happened today.

Aaron and I decided to take the afternoon off and squeeze in nine holes at a nearby course. Obviously, we weren't the only ones who had the idea. A beautiful day brought out all sorts of golfers, backing up the course [it doesn't help when the old men in front of you line up every putt as if it's the Masters]. After twenty minutes on the 300 yard par 4 1st hole, the starter drove up to us and asked us to pair up with the people behind us. That's odd in of itself, because the people behind us weren't even done with their hole and the guys in front of us were teeing off. Aaron logically asked if we should pair up with the older gentlemen ahead of us and the starter replied, "whatever."

Right as we started to hit our balls a greenskeeper decided it would be a good time to blow some leaves of the green of the par 3. While we waited for the dude on the green to move, the old farts got ticked off and sped off in their cart muttering, "we're not going to wait on you guys. Play by yourselves." Aaron tried to yell back at them as they were driving off, but they were half-way to the green. Turds.

So then we paired up with the rednecks behind us. These guys were in cut-off jeans, mullets, and had no less than fifteen cans of Budweiser in their golf cart [no exaggeration]. When we told them the story about the old men they proceeded to hit their golf balls at them while they were still on the green. I cautioned the guys, lest we get kicked off the course, to which one responded, "wouldn't be the first time. I got kicked out off Hartwell, Glenview . . ." and he proceeded to list a few other courses he could no longer play at. At least these guys were entertaining.

So a few holes later, we were again waiting on the old man whores in front of us to take their shots [sounds cruel, but we were continually around these guys and they never said a word to us or even looked at us]. The rednecks were in their cart by the tee box, right on the edge of the cart path. It needs to be noted that while they weren't fully on the cart path, they were on the grass/dirt part right before the path started. So another set of old guys playing behind us finally catch-up with us and proceed to yell at the rednecks to get their cart on the cart path. Apparently being four feet from the paved section of the path was too far for these gentlemen to bear and they made it known by barking orders as if they owned the course. Aaron and I hit our balls and walked off as the new old guys were still yelling at the rednecks.

It was then that we decided we were done playing golf for the day.

I've never left a round of golf early, no matter how bad I was playing, unless it was pouring rain. It was surreal, truly a good walk spoiled. I'm not sure if there's a lesson to be learned here, except it sucks to be playing golf around old people. They can do/say whatever they want to you and pay no penalty. I mean, you can't really get into a fight with them because, if you do, you'll end up making the news as the crazy guy who punched an old man on the golf course.

At least the old people couldn't affect the weather. It was gorgeous out today.