A Bunch Of Bull

I love Cincinnati. It's my hometown and I'd love to spend the rest of my life here. Yet I always find myself on the offensive trying to refute negative stereotypes people have about my city. I've talked to people who have moved here from other parts of the country who criticize Cincy as a hillbilly, midwestern town. "There's nothing to do here. It's the most boring city in America," I've heard people say. When I hear stuff like that, it ticks me off and I kick something. We're not hicks; we're a regional center of education, industry, and commerce capable of impacting the world. Did you hear we almost brought the 2012 Olympics here? We're going places- so back off!

But then there are things like yesterday, when a cow gets loose in the streets of the city. There he was, prancing around like that elk at the beginning of Northern Exposure. And of course, it made all the national media. I saw it this morning while watching Sports Center, for crying out loud! So here we are again, backwards Cincinnatians, with cows roaming the streets. They did finally catch it in a valley near Deaconess Hospital after a few hours.

I guess it wouldn't have been so bad if the same thing hadn't happened twice within three years. But adding insult to injury, they ended up killing this cow. Apparently after you tranquilize the animal, its meat is no longer safe for consumption. So instead of sending to a cow sanctuary like the first one, they drove a bolt through its head [not to be too graphic, but it's in the Enquirer article you can read above]. Hooray for us. Cows roam our streets and we put bolts through their skulls.

So I'm about ready to give up. Maybe I should just except who we are. Maybe everyone is right and we are a bunch of rednecks. So I'm going to WalMart right now to buy me a white tank-top and a can of Skoal. I'm giving up my shoes, going squirrel hunting, and putting a big number 3 sticker on the back of my car [I guess I'll have to get the accompanying one of the little boy peeing on the number 24 too]. I'm from Cincinnati. I'm a hick. I should just get used to it.